Schizophrenic

As always when I have returned from England I feel a bit schizophrenic. I come home having left a place that feels just as much as home. A mulitimillion city is something I enjoy, but on the other hand I get alot of pleasure from the countryside. It is everything inbetween that I don't like.

The examples of a duality in feelings and actions are many. For instance at periods of time I can hoard money and relish in seeing the zeros add up to just turn around and want to splash it out on designer wear.

I like having people around me but then there are moments when I want to be alone. There are times when I love the attention from others and turn into a real validation whore and then on the opposite there are the days when I just want to be invisible.

Love and friendship I consider to be my religion but then there is also the fear of letting someone in too close. We have a particular person to thank for that one.

There always seem to be two sides of everything, a black and a white, that in the end only turns into shades of grey.



//P.